I wish I had killed myself on the day I had planned.
― thoughts (via maskenparade)
Started - 140407
Closed - 160413
Lately I have been feeling way better than before, I don’t know how or why suddenly but everyday I find myself excited to live, to wake up I even sleep for 5 hours or 4 only, somehow even tho nothing changed I realized that life is only what you want it to be, if you want it to be happy even without money/friends/or anything it could be, and it could be so sad when you want it to be, I’m very antisocial person but I have been trying too hard, I get to my class and smile at everyone and ask them how was their day yesterday and somehow it’s not really hard to make a conversation with someone, I listen to music a lot, I have been listening to verbal jint q lot lately, I don’t understand his lyrics I just feel happy, even if the song is sad, it just sound so good to listen to it makes me happy, I don’t really think it’s hard to live anymore, I don’t even want to die anymore, I feel so ashamed of my old self, I wanted to die so bad, how did I dare to give up on life so easily, it’s way too good to leave, my collage life is not so great but I’m making a real progress, I just really want my family to see me as a really good girl, I want them to be proud of me, someday if I had a girl I would really want her to make me proud that’s how I realized I should work harder to show my parents they didn’t waist their 18 years rising me.
A month ago I asked myself a question, “does happiness really exist?” For how much I waited, for how much people told me about it I started to believe it’s a myth, but now no. It’s real. Happiness does exist, happiness is being satisfied with your self and life, it’s to love living and always want to go ahead, you don’t want to think about future or past you just want to live now and think about now, work to move ahead.
You don’t have to have all the things you love, I didn’t got anything I like, I just had a passion to live, I did everything myself, I didn’t like my body I dieted and lost weight, I didn’t like my hair I used hair products, I didn’t like getting attention, I went on YouTube and searched for ways to get confident in my self, now I like it when everyone listen to me when I have a point, I didn’t need a therapist I didn’t need a doctor or anything it’s just here, yea all your problem’s solutions are right here in Internet and you could find it and you could change to be a better person, a person you feel happy being it.
I have been surviving for 6 years all the bully all the cutting all the hate and suicidal thoughts all of this deathly depression is gone now and I’m happy I feel better I feel ten times better than I ever imagined.
It’s good to be happy, I wish I can make everyone happy I wish I can make you all happy and give you a little of my happiness so you can express it. It feels good guys.
I can’t thank god enough, family, BTS, Day6, Fc Barcelona, football, my sister and my friends who helped me without knowing it.
This is a very long post but I felt I should say it I should tell the world how happy I am to be alive, how happy life turned to be how I got better and maybe it could help someone to start working their way to happiness.
Happiness is not coming for you, you find it, and you also don’t just sit and wait for it, you also have to work for it.
